I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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