just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
