His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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