Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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