I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
