I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
