you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
