is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
