I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
