Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
