walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
