I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
