his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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