Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize