k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
