I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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