Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
