Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Pooping to opera.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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