i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
