to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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