If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
