i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize