I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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