So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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