i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
