your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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