I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize