i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
