I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
