i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
