The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm too high and old for this...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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