Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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