i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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