she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
