Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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