; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
