I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
