I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
