My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
