I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
