My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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