I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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