Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Randomize
