Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
