Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
