Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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