If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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