Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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