dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
