On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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