Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
