So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
