well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
