do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
