I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
