dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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