How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
