we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
