You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
