When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize