the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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