I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just found puke in my bra..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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