i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
