You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
