And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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